I could probably write one thousand posts on how this adoption process is challenging my insecurities and worries. I probably will write more than this one. A friend said the adoption process is transformative, and I have to say I wouldn’t mind some transformation in the worry department. I’m such a worrier. But friends, I’m learning.
Example: (sparing a few specific details)
A couple weeks ago, the five other women in my department and I were called into my supervisor’s office. She told us funding to our non-profit agency had been cut by about a third. They didn’t know exactly what this would mean for our department, but layoffs seemed pretty darn likely. I asked, “Should I start looking for another job then?,” and they all quietly nodded. Scary.
Everyone at work — including me — was really down about this. I was especially down about this because of the implications it would have on our adoption process. We’ve got a little bit of student loan money flowing in, but I am our primary income. Additionally, we’ve filled out all paperwork and gotten all employment references with my job listed on there. Basically job loss, or even change in job = redoing adoption paperwork.
I told Dan, and I got a bit dramatic. “Maybe God is shutting doors for us now! Maybe we should stop the adoption process!” Yes, dramatic. I cried. I whined. I fretted. I was snippy and unkind to him as I felt my control of our income and stability start to slip away. But slowly, I came around to truly believing what I know to be true: If God wants this adoption to happen, He’ll make way for us to do it.
I applied for a few jobs. I talked to a few contacts. And waited.
Today, I got the official news: My job won’t be cut! None of our jobs will be cut. I am so thankful. And even more excited to move ahead with bringing this baby into our home.
So, God, I see what you did there. That was a little stressful. Please forgive me for my crying, whining, and fretting. I’m being transformed through this, and I’m ready for more.