We’ve gotten it a lot lately: “You guys are cute.” “You seem so happy.” “You inspire us to be more romantic.” I very carefully try to avoid being prideful about our relationship or bragging about my husband and his sweetness. I’m excited to continue to learn how to encourage others — married and single — without a bit of pride in my words as I respond to the compliments they give us.
We are really happy. We feel we dated really well and (for the most part) made great decisions. God is writing us a most wonderful story of His sovereignty and His provisions for our lives thus far.
But, yes, friends, in these first four months of marriage there have been fights and teary eyes. As we were warned against in pre-marriage counseling, we’re really good at knowing the right answers to how to handle situations in a way that honors God and each other, we just struggle to sometimes do it. After a couple just-not-fun weeks in a row, I realized I had a lot more “doing” to do.
Here are a few of the little thing we’ve found to do that bring us that newlywed happiness others comment on:
+ Have adventures: We choose to experience new things together on planned dates or spontaneous adventuring. The couch is so comfy and our TV shows are so good, but there’s so much to experience in this awesome city we live in. We both enjoy quality time and acts of service, so planning super fun surprise adventures for each other is not something we’ve left behind.
+ Accept the stage of life we’re in: I have a grad school schedule — work at these random times, class at these other times. And Dan’s med school schedule changes every four weeks. It makes it impossible for us to achieve any sort of perfect little schedule.
And honesty time: Dan makes dinner 90% of the time. Though he leaves for work way before me, he also gets home well before me most nights. It’s hard to accept that in this stage of life, your husband makes you dinner every night. Sometimes I doubt my worth as wife, because I can’t have a feast on the table by the time he gets home, but we all know that’s a lie I wrongly believe. It’s just the stage we’re in, and I accept it.
+ Be squirrelly together: Yes, life became a bit more serious when we got married. But wouldn’t you know it also got more fun? We purposely allow ourselves to be silly together. We’ve made up words (i.e. skinker, snooter), and we seem to have developed some weird little way of talking to each other.
Often, on the weekends, we just lay on our bed and laugh and talk and be far more squirrelly than we’ve ever been with anyone else. It makes my soul deeply glad.
+ Let things fly: I spend too much money on Starbucks and cupcakes and pedicures. He leaves cupboard doors open and his underwear in our study. These, among other things, made us uptight at first, but we’ve quickly learned to let it go.
He let’s it fly when I say something with a hint of unkindness, and I do the same. This stage of life has a fair amount of stress involved, and we’ve realized that hint of unkindness likely just came out because of a long, stressful day.
+ Dream and plan together: I have big, lofty dreams for my life and the life of my family. And Dan also has practical ideas about how to achieve those dreams. And together, we submit those dreams to God. I think for many young couples, their wedding is the dream they’ve been waiting for. But goodness, it’s dull post-wedding if that’s all you’ve looked forward to. Keep dreaming and planning and praying together for future things.