I don’t want to seem baby crazy. Or husband crazy. But I do want to be honest.
Spending eight weeks at this orphanage has increased my already great desire to have a husband and a family. A family with children who share my genes and children who don’t. A family with room to grow.
I have enjoyed watching the relationship Ted and Bev have with each other. I have such deep respect for couples who completely follow God’s leading, even if it means a move across the world. The more I know of God, the more I know He desires for me to lead a life outside of my comfort zone. And the idea of leading a life outside of my comfort zone with a partner next to me, encouraging me, challenging me, and supporting me? I’m all for it. After all, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” [Ecc. 4:12]
The desire to adopt has been on my heart in different degrees, for different reasons, for about five years now. And adoption is outside of my comfort zone. It’s risky, and I’ve seen the heartache involved firsthand. Adopting a child — especially a non-infant, which is a desire I have — can bring about several unique challenges. But it’s a call I’ve felt straight from God. He will sustain me as I fulfill the call. And hanging out with these unwanted kids at the Home has only reinforced my heart for orphans over the age of 2. Of the many adoption blogs I follow, I’ve seen most all of the bloggers write: “Adoption is not for the faint of heart.”
I first realized the effect caring for these babies was having on me a couple weeks into my time here. I was sitting in the rocker with one of the smaller babies. I had my head leaned back, with the little one snuggled close to me, and I was watching the curtain flutter in the wind coming through the open window. And, really, I just sort of lost myself in the moment. I don’t think of myself as these babies’ temporary mother, but for that moment, in some way, I subconsciously did. I imagined looking out through my window at some yet-unknown future neighborhood while my little one and I shared a quiet moment. I like to think God allowed me that moment for a reason. It’s the closest I’ve come to understanding what it feels like to hold a child of my own.
I feel like I have to mention this caveat: I realize I may never get married or have children. But a good friend reminded me lately to pray for such things a la Philippians 4:6. “He just wants to give good gifts and show you His love… to be prepared and ready to go do His work more effectively,” my friend reminded me. So for now, I hope, I pray, and I trust I will.